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Answers to Common Questions
What is Christianity? Who is Jesus and what does He have to do with me?
Christianity is more than just a belief system or a label, it is a way of life. To be a Christian is to have placed your life, your trust and your faith into Jesus Christ, who was fully man yet fully God as the Son of God and died for our sins. Please understand that Christians are not perfect by any means and we have the same struggles, the same problems, and the same sins that everyone else does. We make the same mistakes! The difference is that we have hope and help through Jesus to get through absolutely ANYTHING that could possibly be placed in our path - including the devastation of perinatal mood disorders. However, being a Christian does NOT mean that we will avoid difficulties or have our struggles magically disappear. We merely have supporting arms to get us through our deepest valleys. Please know that God has been reaching out to you for some time now and persistently pursues you as a bridegroom pursues His beloved bride. In fact, it is no mistake that you here reading this! The Bible paints a beautiful picture of God's love for us:
"...I have loved you...with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." (Jeremiah 31:3)
It is God's love that draws us to Him, yet our natural tendency is to pursue what we desire for our lives instead of what God desires. Sometimes we do things intentionally or unintentionally that hurt ourselves or others, and goes against our ethics, our conscience, and God's commands. The Bible calls these types of choices and mistakes sin, and sin separates us from God and His love, for sin breaks His heart. (Romans 3:23) God hates sin because it destroys our relationship with Him and ultimately will cause us eternal pain and suffering.
At this point you may be asking, "How can I restore my relationship with God?" Well, we have great news for you! God came to reestablish His relationship with His creation personally and in the most amazing way! God became a man and His name is Jesus. The Bible tells us that Jesus is more than just a man for He is fully man and fully God. He has walked in our shoes and has felt our pain and our temptations, yet did not sin! Even Jesus' name means "God with us."
"Before anything else existed, there was Christ, with God. He has always been alive and is himself God." (John 1:1-2)
God desires for you to seek Him, to have His help in times of need, to give you wisdom and His peace, and most of all He desires to give you eternal life with Him, rather than eternal separation from Him.
So the obvious question is if Jesus is God why did He die such a horrible and painful death by being cruicied on a crude cross? Jesus died in order to pay the penalty for my sin and your sin - for everyone's sin in the past, in the now, and in the future. The Bible tells us that the penalty for sin is death:
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6:23)
Jesus knew that we could not afford such a high price so He gave the ultimate sacrifice of Himself.
He took our sins on Himself when He died on the cross. When Jesus died on the cross He made it possible for us to have our sins erased and our relationship with God restored. Jesus proved that He has defeated sin, death, and hell when He rose from the dead three days later. In the same way, we can defeat sin and death and avoid hell and arise a new person by restoring our relationship with God.
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Why should I take medicine to get better? Isn't my faith enough?
Our God is a big God and He is the Great Physician but He also works in many ways - and often through others. And that can mean medication to help what is a physical illness. Medications are life-saving, without a doubt! The sad and complicated part about postpartum mood disorders is that it manifests with symptoms that are physical, emotional, and mental and affect every part of our lives. A common argument for this is to ask yourself if you would deny yourself tylenol for a headache, insulin for diabetes, or chemo/radiation for cancer? When we go through traumatic events or other mental illnesses, there are chemicals in our brains that go seriously haywire - just like when insulin goes haywire in a diabetic. Medications help to level those out so that you can then deal with your issues/struggles more appropriately and get on a path to physical, emotional, mental and spiritual healing. And for some, if that means being on maintenance medication permanently - then that is ok! It most certainly does not mean a lack of faith.
God gives everyone talents, yes? For example, I (Tara) am a pianist - I have developed the talent He has given me and I use it daily. For researchers, chemists and physicians, God has also given them talents and gifts to develop medicine that help us. To take medication, does not mean a lack of faith by any means!! You are not a failure - instead, you would be incredibly brave by admitting a need to take the meds, and by doing this so that YOU can get better and be the best mom, wife, friend that you can be to your family, not to mention helping yourself.
It always wise to take your doctor's advice as well as seek a Christian counselor to get through a postpartum mood disorder. The best treatment is a combination of medication and talk therapy. Just remember that it is a brave step, not a cowardly one! Our God is bigger than all of our loads, but He works in many ways to help us and we have to trust that.
Will I ever get better?
Yes! You WILL get better. In the midst of the illness, it can seem like you will always feel this way. It can be very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, but you WILL get better. Millions of women can attest to this fact - including myself! That is not to say that you will not bear some scars or memories you would rather forget, however our loving and perfect God will use what you have been through to glorify Himself, perhaps by helping others get through a similar experience.
Why is this happening to me?
This is a difficult question to answer. First, the facts are that there are risk factors for developing a postpartum mood disorder. At some point, you may be able to look in hindsight at your situation and see other contributing factors as well. Physically, childbirth and adoption are very stressful events. The raging hormones from pregnancy and childbirth are said to be a major contributing factor. In both childbirth and adoption, our lives are turned upside down by such a major life-change. However, I know that your major question is why in the world is God even letting this happen to you. In the New Testament, Jesus tells us that we will have trouble in this world. But He will get us through them. The much-beloved Psalm 23 tells us that though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death that He is with us. We have to go through the valley, and unfortunately, we cannot just skip over it or around it as much as we would like to! You may be angry with Him. It's ok - He's a big God and He can handle it. We cannot and will not ever know the mind of God, but I can tell you that He is hurting with you and is helping you through this whether you realize it or not. Psalm 34:18 says that He is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. In the end, God will somehow use this to glorify Himself, whether it be through helping another woman like yourself or by simply learning compassion to help anyone around you in need. The possibilities are endless. Our Lord tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a plan for us, that He plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans for hope and a future. There is hope and healing for EVERYONE who is dealing with a postpartum mood disorder. He is right beside You, waiting for You, comforting You - let Him dry your tears and help you through this.
How come SHE isn't suffering too? How many times have we gone to store, to church, to daycare or even walked through our neighborhoods and encounted "happy" moms? Why does SHE get to happy with her new baby and we have to struggle just to get through the day? What you do not know may surprise you. The new mom at the mall may be able to smile in public, but inside she may be going through the same thing that you are. The cute young mother at the park may be experiencing difficulties in her home and family life that she is trying to escape. The mom at daycare may have just lost her husband in a tragic accident. My point is this: you NEVER know what someone is going through. Those same new moms may look at you and wonder why you appear to have it all together and look happy. But you know how you feel inside. Always remember that we are all on our own journeys, we all have our own struggles and hurts that are difficult to even think about. This article called "Step by Step" was very encouraging to me as I tried to understand this. It is written from an infertility perspective but I think it applies to every area of life. It is beautifully written. Keep your eyes focused on Him - only He can help you on this journey. But keep in mind that He can and will help you in ways that you might not expect - whether through health care providers, friends and family, strangers, medications, etc. Watch for Him for He is there.
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